Are you ok?

Such a simple question he asked tonight, 1 minute 45 seconds before he had to be on another call. Such a simple question, and I had no idea what to say.

"Like ok how?" I asked in reply, always a good strategy when you're not quite sure what the next words out of your mouth might be.

"Are you ok with you, with what you're doing?"

Huh. Several thoughts here. "Good question." "And good man... only a good man asks such a fine question as that when there's nothing really wrong."

You know, I'm really not ok though. My boss is up to his antics again, not with me, but he's attacking, "investigating" another Professor's behavior and this is just ridiculous. It could be any one of us any day and we'd be bullied to within an inch of our sanity.

I can't stay here. [Addendum: I could stay here, but there's so much that doesn't work for people and people are so unhappy and I don't want to live like that and I wish the powers that be were open to changing it. I am having difficulty just accepting that this is how it is. period. end of story.]

And not because I don't love that I teach. I love that I teach. I love the subject matter. I love my morning walks. I like the view out my office window. I don't really want to leave my apartment or Europe...

but what lights me up are the things I am ready to do that are so much bigger than this. I can do them now. I'm ready. I don't know how and I need help and I'm not sure who to talk to except everyone I know. So here's what I'm up to and I want you to tell everyone you know. I will make lovely proposals and links soon so I can share these ideas as real proposals and you can share them with people you know and on and on and on...

I am up to creating a conference on Women, Freedom of Expression and the Middle East. It will be held here on campus in Lugano at the end of July 2007. It will connect women artists, journalists and bloggers from the Middle East with legal scholars, media experts and people who have nonprofit organizations and/or other initiatives that are impacting this issue.

That is something worth working for. It is totally do-able and will make a difference on the planet. A few women from around the world have already agreed to participate. 8% of my students are women from the Middle East and they will help and benefit. I need funding. I don't have any help yet, but need it.

I have two students who are great photographers committed to social justice. One is Saudi Arabian, the other American. I want to find a grant so that they can travel together to document poverty in their hometowns: Millerton, NY and Jeddeh, Saudi Arabia. We already have a nonprofit organization in Jeddeh that can provide them access to the community. We need funding. How do I do this?

It is time for me to launch a book career and another blog. I have several half-finished proposals... every one of them could sell, I just know it.

I feel like I'm drowning here and it's time for me to create possibility. It's time. Any ideas for how to build a team? I feel like I need structures. I don't even have an administrative assistant at my job, which is an aside, but true.

And I have questions:
How did Dooce become Dooce?
Do you know any starmakers or publicists who'd work for a percentage?
I need a good coach, maybe. Do you know any?
I don't even know what I need.
What do I need exactly to make all this work?
Any ideas?


And I loooooooove my new camera. And good men. Thank you, good man.